With investing, the gain is always explained in some monetary, statistical or mathematical manner. It’s precise.
What if a gain is considered in an entirely different context? In The Obscurity of the Other Side, I realized I had no example and had never written about personal connection.
We have “connections” on LinkedIn and many of those are personal and meaningful but they likely without much exception represent people we have worked with. Often, those connections don’t carry over to the other side especially when you move.
By leaving, you no longer have that daily or weekly connection of a shared language that only you and your work friends and confidants understand.
Keeping those personal connections meaningful requires effort. Building new connections requires even greater effort and intention.
It necessitates going first.
Last week, my husband signed us up for a glass blowing class while in Iowa for a significant occasion. Having little artistic ability other than a greeting card design in Jr. High that earned me an A+, I had no expectation of what this class would entail. I wasn’t the focus of this special milestone and had no intent of going first.
So, I volunteered my husband to. The owner/instructor heard me, and his rule was that anyone who volunteers someone else, has to go first. I walked straight into that one.
As it turned out, we grew up 12 miles from each other, 5 years apart at neighboring community high schools. We both knew the rural surroundings well and understood the nuances of having lived there. My intent wasn’t to make the experience great for me but for someone else. By going first, I unintentionally made it great for everyone.
This concept of going first isn’t new but it is important. If we never take an active role and reach out first, we will miss out on the genuine opportunities that make life rich. Money can’t buy the valued and meaningful connections we thrive on. Nor can it fill the void of the interactions we once had.
Going first as we grow older seems more daunting and obscure. We hold ourselves back because we are unsure of how our initial ask will be received. The protocols of social media, email, texts, phone calls and staring at our phones make us hesitate to go first. There will be ghosting, rejection and a maybe some other time but there will also be accepts.
The pursuit of going first takes a courage that’s different from the working world. It’s solely personal not just business and lies wholly on us individually. It also takes an expectation of nothing in return which is counterintuitive to what we worked our entire career for. At work, we go first for the presentation, win their acceptance and get money and the accolades in return.
A loss from going first eventually will be offset by a gain. Just like our investments, the slow accumulation of gains will build a portfolio of meaningful personal connections. And some of these will grow exponentially with reciprocation replacing the loss of friends after moving to the other side.
Of all the times going first resulted in no gains, we will never truly know the impact. What may have seemed like a down day to you with negative returns may unknowingly have made a considerable gain to someone else.
Start building your Go First portfolio. It will take time to compound.
“The world rewards people who go first because so few people do.” -Mark Manson
How to Keep Your Work Friends After You Retire | Kiplinger
Featured Image – The blown glass ornaments had to cure and be shipped. By going first, I got to choose a color with no influence of having someone else already take it, bottom left. JJ Gaffers, Des Moines, IA